Reflection time

Before I had arrived, I had thought of England and specifically London, as MY Mecca, the place I just had to visit, to understand myself and the world around me. As far as I'm concerned, London is the birthplace of so many ideas, norms and values of the United States, so naturally, I felt like I just had to come here. I imagined London as a utopia of some sort. I felt that as soon as I got here, everything would click together, and I would understand things that I never understood before. Well, one of the only things I'm understanding, is that having expectations of that magnitute, is only a recipe for disaster.

I insist on creating these unrealistic expectations in my head of places and people. I think that a certain place, or a certain person is going to change my life. It's not though, and neither are they. I understand this thought process when I was in college and not a huge fan of where I was at, but I love my life right now. I love where I live. I love where I work. I love that I have friends all over the world. I love that whenever I go home its like I never left. I'm kinda happy. So what am I searching for? By thinking that places or people are going to magically change something, I'm setting myself up for failure. I'm enjoying myself here in England and am glad I made the trip, but I expected it to be way more then it is. So when it doesn't live up to this fantasy expectation, I get upset. Story of my life I suppose.

The other thing I am constantly doing is pushing myself too hard. I am making the rookie travel mistake of trying to see everything all at once, and am winding up miserable. The guy that teaches social studies across the hall, came up with a list of things he thought I'd like to do in London. Instead of seeing this as a springboard, I've been seeing it as a checklist of things I need to do, or else I would have wasted my time in London. My friend Sam that I'm with right now says "sitting down for tea, is like an investment in the day," yet I really have to wrestle with sitting down knowing that for every minute that I sit I'm missing something else. In my need to see everything I am missing out on soo much. If I push myself so hard that I'm half standing and yawning by like 4pm, something is wrong. I need to pay attention to my own needs. If I need to be alone, I need to do that. If I need to sit down and save my strength, I need to do that. Seeing everything in London, or in Cardiff will not really do much for me in the long run, yet enjoying this experience will.

I guess its pretty typical that I can't enjoy myself fully because I can't get out of my head long enough to experience things.

Overall though, I really am enjoying the history and culture of the area. I love how eager I am to learn. Sam keeps telling me that I should go out and enjoy the culture of London, but I came here for the history. There is so much to see in London, and I'd like to see as much as I can, within reason of course. Sitting out on Covent Garden, or Piccidally circus for an hour is fine, but then I want a museum. I mean England is not known for its great weather right? Might as well do, what I set out to do.