Amsterdam

One minute into the city of Amsterdam and I just knew that the one night I had planned on staying in the city would not be enough. Unbeknownst to me, Amsterdam is a city built on a river, split up into canals. As many of you know this is a reason why Venice was immediately dubbed my most favorite city in the world.

So I tried to get there early enough to do the free tour(fifth one so far) and missed it. I checked into my hotel-hotel, not hostel. It was nearly double what I have been paying for hostels so far. I checked in and met a girl who I had met a few nights prior at the Anne Frank house. We went through. I was actually really shocked at how big the annex was. It was definately intense.

Then we met up with some other guys that she had known and spent the afternoon in McDonalds, obviously. Then I went back to my hostel with plans to meet up with them later. I decided to stay another night, and then was immediately introduced to some Aussie boys in my room, followed by a guy from San Diego. Then, we all decided to hit the town, as I missed meeting up with the other girl. 6 or 7 heineken's later, we were dancing with some Dutch girls and it was nearly 4am before I was back to my bed.

No one in our room was up before noon. I ran to go catch the free tour, learned some Dutch history and then wandered around a park, until nowish.

I'm realizing I can't trust people as easily as I am. Not that I am trusting people with like important things, but even like, thinking that if we go somewhere together, we should leave as well. I also find myself most of the time thinking that I should be doing things, or should not be doing others. I keep driving myself crazy with this innermonologue. Like, I think I should be going out every night, and that I'm a loser if I stay inside, or that I should be waking up early in the morning and getting every minute out of every day. I keep thinking that I should be meeting people and hanging out with them all the time, yet also that people don't want me to be hanging around. As always my expectations and my head are my worst enemy. I mean I really am enjoying myself, and having such a surreal experience, but the coulda shoulda woulda's are going to start ruining this whole experience for me. I'm working on it, but I need to turn off that voice in my head, and forgive myself. I need to be able to do what I want, and not feel like I have to be doing anything, unless I want to.

Ok, its bedtime now, as I am incredibly sick and want to see at least two museums tomorrow before I head to Cologne for a day or two to visit Anke.